I (21F) am starting to date someone (20F) who thinks may be asexual

Hello.
I — 21F lesbian
Her — 20F bisexual
We met about two months ago and we really like each other and i am going to ask her to officially be my gf soon.

Her background is very complext and has diagnosed BPD and CPTSD. I am a nursing student and im capable of understanding these disorders + she is very open and comunicates a lot with me. She is the first girl in years that i am interested in romantically

She has told me that she may be asexual, she has been sexually active with other partners in the past. She was red in past relationships and forced to be intimate. She has expressed to me that she thinks she is now asexual because of this, but she is also taking medication which also lowers her libido.

We did try being intimate once (didn't force her of course, it just went escalating) — we kissed for over an hour and everything was okay with her, but once i went down on her, everything was okay but after about only 5 minutes she started slamming the bed and i immediately got worried, stoped and she started crying saying that she's sorry and that its not my fault, i reassured her saying it didnt matter and that i wasn't annoyed. I offered her if she wanted to put our clothes back on and just talk or go to sleep. She kept saying that she is sorry and i tried my best to let her know everything was okay.

I am allosexual (just discovered this word by searching through reddit threads).

I have recently asked her why when we kiss it is only small pecs and she told me that she is scared that if the kisses are more intimate that i will want to have sexual intercourse with her and i have told her that i like kissing her and that i could be kissing her for hours without the need of anything more. She told me that she really wants to believe me but something on the back of her head tells her that i am lying because of past experiences.

I am okay with not having sex for long periods of time but i want her to feel comfortable enough to talk about her do's and don'ts wihe me but i dont know how to start this conversation as i really want to try to have a stable relationship with her even if it means that we will have little-no sex. Thats why i am asking in this community

Thank you for reading and ill be reading the replies

Sorry if its a bit messy, english isnt my first language

https://redd.it/1poi5yv
@asexualityonreddit

Aroace flag in the wild
https://redd.it/1poiokw
@asexualityonreddit

I have no ace friends, I would like a friend who relates to me on that level

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, please remove if not allowed, I'm a graysexual person (minor) and while I am surrounded with queer people, they mostly don't seem to even understand asexuality at all, and I feel kind of alone in this situation. And that's literally it, I just need someone who understands this

https://redd.it/1po7u5p
@asexualityonreddit

Help coming out to Mom. (Please read context)

To make things clear I love my mother, and she has said she'd love me "no matter who I sleep with" and she herself is Bisexual.

Over this recent summer I've come to terms with my Asexuality, it was hard to come to the conclusion because I was fearful of the hate the community gets even in the LGBTQIA+ space but I have come to terms with it. I'm out to close friends and they have all been supportive but not her, my father or stepmom.

But I'm going to spend the holidays with her this season because I don't see her often anymore but I don't think I can stay closeted to her this much longer. But back in high-school while I was younger she found out (this is embarrassing) I had been on porn websites. I don't know exactly why I was, it was years ago but I am pretty sure she'd remember that. I'm scared that if I come out to her she might bring it up, not believe me, or outright call me a liar. And still I don't know why I was, I've never gotten the pleasure out of it, but I'm just anxious but I don't want to stay hidden much longer.

Any advice is appreciated.

https://redd.it/1pomdpu
@asexualityonreddit

Peak ace behaviour
https://redd.it/1pornan
@asexualityonreddit

How do you feel about cuddles?

I'm aroace. Sex for any purpose other than reproduction is gross and terrible sounding to me (still a virgin), however I feel mixed things about cuddling.

For one, sometimes I'm okay with it. Not really hyper into it like some people are but it's just okay. Other times it really makes me uncomfortable, and to be fair I'm not one for much physical contact.

I was wondering how other ace or aroace people feel about cuddles?

https://redd.it/1poqkjg
@asexualityonreddit

My first ever sex toys (NSFW POST)

So im aceflux, and i have a partner but iv never felt comfortable with the thought of actually doing it with someone, and never had a high enough libido to make a proper sex life. Due to this i decided durring a very hormonal "Shark Week" to finally get my first ever sex toys. I unfortunately had to get them off of Amazon, and dw yall i checked thoroughly to make sure the toys were safe, but after pressing confirm on the transaction scene i felt so erked out and spooked. But i KNOW i want this, I KNOW i want to please myself and be happy, but the asexual part of me cant help but have a visceral fear of what is to come. I know no one is gonna see my package, my dad wouldn't peek cause of ​​​​​Christmas and all, but fuck guys, its hard out here​

https://redd.it/1pos82n
@asexualityonreddit

I'm alloromantic and romance-indifferent. i wish i realized this about myself a long time ago



Now when it comes to attraction, we pretty much have no control over who we find attractive. Only our actions due to said attraction

But we do have some control over our stances and our perspectives over our attractions. Whether it's through our own agency or based on past experiences

I love being romance-indifferent because i can pretty much talk to anyone i find attractive and go

"If i end up in a romantic relationship with them, that's fine. If i don't. That's fine too. Doesn't matter as much as the overalll depth of our connection"


If i knew this long ago, i wouldn't have ended up being infactuated and hurt over past attempts

But at the same time, if i didn't go through that pain and introspection, then i wouldn't have deconstructed my entire understanding of what's "love" in the first place

i would've been happy with whatever relationship i had...

But never learned about queerplatonic, relationship anarchy, stances, amatonormativity, heteronormativity, etc..

Nowadays, i accept people as they are. And if i really wanted to satisfy myself, that's what fantasies and adult content is for



https://redd.it/1pov549
@asexualityonreddit

When is too soon to ask a woman if she is asexual?

Hello! I hope you folks are doing well. I mean no harm by this post so I apologize if it seems rude!! So out of the last 8 women I've caught serious feelings for (so excluding minor crushes or passing glances), 5/8 of them have been asexual. Out of the 4 women who've liked me on Hinge, 3 have been asexual/under the umbrella. I found out yesterday a woman I was about to go on a date with canceled at the last second because she is demiromantic and mistakenly agreed to date.




This would be wonderful if I was asexual! I know more ace folks than all of my ace friends do combined. However, while I know asexual individuals can have sex, the lack of/uncertainty/conditionality of sexual attraction is unfortunately a turn off for me. While I'm taking a break from dating right now, in the future when would be too soon to ask a woman if she is asexual? In addition, is there something I can do to avoid falling for asexual women? Thank you so much for helping me with this dilemma I'm facing! Also while not linked, my hinge profile is on my page if you want to look at it!!





Have a wonderful day :D

https://redd.it/1powl7w
@asexualityonreddit

Don’t fall for it, folks!
https://redd.it/1pp0ove
@asexualityonreddit

I like thinking about having sex, but not

So basically I fantasise about having sex but it is never something I want to pursue, because I feel uncomfortable doing so. Lately, I don‘t even find people attractive. Like any one. The weird thing is that in the past, I did feel attraction towards men but nowadays I feel nothing. I thought maybe I like women, but I feel nothing towards women too. The fantasies I have are about an unknown person or a person I know and whom I don’t even like/feel attracted in reality. It’s like I enjoy the idea of having sex but I don’t like anyone to have sex with! I feel so weird because there is this desire that I can’t satisfy because it makes me sick my stomach the real possibility of doing this with any person

https://redd.it/1pp1aqv
@asexualityonreddit

I don't even know anymore

I've identified as ace for close to 10 years at this point, though not always by name. When I first became aware of the concept from a queer friend I had in 7th (maybe 8th) grade and applied it to myself, I was uninterested in having a romantic relationship, being like 12 or 13 at the time (the concept of sex never even crossed my mind). When I graduated and entered college, I wanted to be in a romantic relationship but I still wasn't interested in sex. As I went along, I could see myself having sex but not being attracted to people sexually and certaintly not with strangers. I tried Grindr once but I hated it so much. This also came around when I found out I was bi.

Around this time, I identified as biromantic demisexual. I got into my first relationship which died in flames and made me not want to date for two years. Since then, I feel as if I've fluctuated back and forth between sex-favorable, repulsed and indifferent. There are long stretches of times where I hate the idea of me having sex, some where I'm okay waiting and some where I am totally okay with it to the point where I'm like "Oh no, am I not ace"?

I also feel like I'm breaking out of my religious upbringing where the concept of sex wasn't even something we really talked about. I'm becoming more comfortable publicly identifying as queer. And I start to see me more in more in relationships with other queer people. And more and more I'm like "Ok, I want to engage in sexual acts with a partner..but is that sexual attraction or just another form of affection with a person I'm romantically attracted to? Like a really intense hickey? Or is it just my high libido talking (because oh yeah, I have that too) and I would literally have a panic attack if I tried to have sex with them? I also can't buy a sex toy to relieve that issue because I'm living with my conservative parents who don't even know about any of this"

Like maybe I'm allosexual because I'm becoming more comfortable with identifying as a queer person rather than a strictly straight cis person who never even grew up with proper sex education in a very sex-negative family. But just being allosexual dosen’t work for me either! I can't just look at someone and be like "Well, I want to give them head and/or to fuck me good". Are you kidding? I could never. Like I said: I HATE GRINDR! It terrifies me.

Right now, I'm identifying as bi gray ace (and also non-binary but that's gender and not sex so...) who is sex-favorable with a high libido and I think that's a fine enough middle ground...but who knows? I feel like I have this internal debate every week. Plus there's people out there who don't even think that aceness, let alone umbrella terms like demi or gray-ace are even real terms so it's not as if I can vent.

So I guess that's my vent here. Being queer is tiring sometimes.

https://redd.it/1pp3wc0
@asexualityonreddit

Visibility is so important
https://redd.it/1pp7af9
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1pp9gnq
@asexualityonreddit

For sex-repulsed asexuals: What do you guys make of symbolism used to indirectly indicate sex scenes? (Specific example of what I’m talking about is in the description)
https://redd.it/1pp77bx
@asexualityonreddit

The worst
https://redd.it/1pp7r34
@asexualityonreddit

Should I Be Offended
https://redd.it/1ppdbo2
@asexualityonreddit

am i overreacting

https://redd.it/1ppbv50
@asexualityonreddit