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Copy in English for the information of His Majesty King Charles III of Great Britain
Ref. No. 1
Dated: 23 June 7534 of Adam / 2034 of Christ
Mr. President Xi Jinping!
It is common knowledge that nations across the globe – including China – are experiencing population decline. China faces a unique challenge: the logistical complexities of interring vast numbers of deceased given its enormous population. This crisis stems not merely from land scarcity for burials and overburdened crematoria, but fundamentally from the environmental hazards posed by modern human remains. Due to plastic-laden diets, contemporary corpses have become virtually non-biodegradable. Traditional burial contaminates groundwater and causes mutations in living organisms, while cremation releases toxic chemical and GMO compounds. Russia confronts this same dilemma. We've also heard reports of Chinese remains being disposed of in coastal waters, devastating marine ecosystems through toxic contamination that triggers mutations across aquatic food chains.
I propose a revolutionary restructuring of China's funeral industry:
1. Repurpose vacant high-rise apartments (particularly in "ghost cities") as vertical cemeteries
- Convert each residential unit into communal crypts (2m² per non-decomposing corpse), giving functional purpose to existing empty structures.
2. Adapt abandoned public infrastructure for burial purposes
- Stadiums, schools, hospitals, shopping malls, and other disused facilities could serve as dignified resting places.
The benefits are manifest:
- Unprecedented efficiency: Eliminates costs of earth burial/cremation/sea disposal. Two workers could inter 16 corpses per shift via elevator transport.
- Environmental containment: Concrete "apartment-coffins" with waterproof basements isolate toxic remains from ecosystems, preventing soil/water contamination.
- Avian protection: Glass windows prevent birds from contacting poisonous remains.
- Land conservation: Permanently eliminates need for new cemetery space.
- Cultural harmony: Just as the living inhabit apartments, the deceased may repose in identical spaces – transforming empty towers into "collective mausoleums" compatible with all belief chinese systems.
I beg your pardon, Mr. President, for the lengthy discourse.
Yours faithfully,
German Sterligov, the chairman of the Society of Ancient Writing Enthusiasts.
BY Герман Стерлигов
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